Should You Give Your Kids Allowance?

 

"Prosperity is a way of living and thinking, and not just money or things. Poverty is a way of living and thinking, and not just a lack of money or things. "

Eric Butterworth

 

When Ben was about 4 or 5 years old he asked my wife to buy something. I really don't remember what it was but My wife said that it was a lot of money and that we didn't have the money for that purchase. His response was, “Then let's go to the bank machine and get some money!”

Wow! That should have been a big old red flag to my wife and I that we had to teach some Ben about money and also to help him think about his values around money. To be honest, we failed. If I could go back in time 15 years, I would do a very different job about teaching my kids about money. But I have missed the best teaching opportunity and not I have to try to play catch-up. I can still do a decent job, but it will not be the same.

The very first thing you have to do to answer the question, “Should You Give Your Kids Allowance?” is to think about the values that you want to teach your child about money. Think about the following questions:

  • Do you want your child to think that money comes with no effort?

  • Do you want your child to think that money comes for doing the things you would otherwise have to do , like washing your dishes?

  • Do you want to teach your child about saving money? Tithing? Investing?

  • Do you want to teach your child that money is a source of strife and disharmony?

Once you have thought about these question, you are ready to start thinking about allowance.

Some people give allowance to their kids with no strings attached. $1 each week whether the child has done chores or not. As we call that in our family, “Just for being a part of the family.” Some say that this can create a situation in which your child expects money to come like manna from heaven. Do nothing and money appears. Is this the attitude you want your child to have? Some would call this a way of showing love. You can explain to your child that the money is simply a token of your love. The money is like the flowers you might bring your lover, or the book you might buy for a friend as a present. Do you want your child to be reminded regularly, in a concrete way, that you love them?

Some people give money for doing chores like making their bed and clearing the table. This might create a situation in which your child expects money for things they would do anyway. They may get a rude awakening when they “get out into the real world.” Others say this is simply an incentive to diminish arguing. If so, will you not give allowance if your child doesn't do these basic chores.

Others only give money for “special” chores that would not otherwise be expected of your child. For some that might be mowing the lawn. For others it might be painting a fence. The problem with this approach might be that your child may not have a regular source of income and will get used to boom and bust times and may not learn to budget. Perhaps you can give an everyday “special” chore, like making your bed!

One idea that I heard from Amanda van der Gulik is to pass money for lessons through your child. So for example, if your child wants guitar lessons, give your child $25 each week and then they will pay for the lesson. This will help them to learn the value of money.

The bottom line in all these ideas is that you have to consider what you are trying to create and plan from there. The bad news is that I cannot tell you what is right for you. The good news is that there is no wrong answer, only the right answer for you!

November 16, 2010 | Posted in: Be Grateful, Love, Trust Yourself | 9 Comments »

Why It Is Important For Your Kids To Be Happy

 

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Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln
 
I heard a very interesting interview with Dr. Bruce Lipton, a cellular biologist. He gave a very simple yet powerful explanation of why happiness is important.
Dr Lipton told about an experiment that he had done. He had a stem cell that he grew in a petri dish and then had many stem cells. He then separated the cells into different petri dishes and by changing the growth medium in the dishes, he was able to have the cells grow into either bone cells, muscle cells or fat cells. All the cells were genetically identical, they had all come from the same cell. The only thing that changed was the growth medium and which was able to so radically change the cells themselves.
He also took some of the cells and put them in a very poor environment. Of course, the cells started to die. That is expected. But to revive the cells he didn't give them medicine nor did he give them therapy. As you probably figured out already, all he did was put them in a healthy environment.
Now think about your body and your child's body. What is the growth medium for the cells in your body? Why, it is your blood, of course! Your blood carries oxygen to your cells and takes away carbon dioxide. It brings nutrients to the cells and takes away waste. But there are also the hormones in the blood which both greatly affect our mood and are effected by our mood.
So let's say you want to have lots of “good hormones”. Those hormones are ones that promote growth of cells and healing like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. How do you do that? Well, if you open your eyes and see the love of your life, or a beautiful sunrise or you have to go to your award ceremony that day, your brain is pumping all of these wonderful hormones into your blood.
On the other hand, if you open your eyes and see someone pointing a gun at you or if you see a fire in your room or you wake up and you know you have a test that day on a subject that you just don't understand, your brain will be flooding your blood and body with stress hormones like adrenaline. This will make your body start shutting down, and your brain will stop thinking straight.
This is why it is so very important for our kids to be happy and why your kids need you to help them be easy-going. Of course, there are stressful situations when stress hormones are needed. But a test is not one of them! Nor is not having the same shoes as Sally or the same baseball mitt as Johnnie.
I have heard many times that happier people are healthier. Now it makes sense to me. People who are happy have cells that are living in a growth medium (their blood) that is full of good chemicals which promote good health. People who are stressed have their cells floating in a toxic environment.
So the question with the obvious answer is, ”Which do you want for your child?”
| Posted in: Be Grateful, Be Happy, Love, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Why You Should Teach Your Child The Art Of Giving

 

“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” Tenzin Gyatso, The 14th Dalai Lama
 
I just started reading a wonderful book by Stephen Post and Jill Neimark called “Why Good Things Happen To Good People”. Let me start by saying that this book is all about science. Dr. Post is the director of an institute at the medical school of Case Western University. He commissions scientists to do studies that are verifiable – which is the gold standard of science.
The studies that Post and Neimark quote in the book show that people who give are healthier and live longer. Other studies show that people who give are happier. And most of us have experienced that feeling as well.
These research studies show that giving does more than makes us feel good in the moment. Giving has long term effects on our lives.
Post and Neimark quote studies that show that people who volunteer as teenagers live longer lives. Imagine that! Volunteering as a teenager can change health outcomes 50 or 60 years later! What an effect! People who volunteer as senior citizens also live longer.
And think back to your own experience. Think back to a time that you volunteered. Perhaps you helped out serving meals to the homeless during the holidays. Or brought meals to needy families. Perhaps you went to a school to help kids who were struggling. Or even helped at an animal shelter.
How did you feel when you finished? You probably felt pretty good. You were probably pretty proud of yourself. Let's say you went back to the office and met the staff curmudgeon. You know – the guy who tell you what's wrong with any and every situation. Was he able to get you down when you got back to the office that day? I bet not. You were probably walking on air the rest of the day.
Have you made sure that your child has that feeling? Have you let your child have that wonderful experience? What are you waiting for? Even a 2 year old can help deliver meals over the holidays. You and I both know it may be easier without their help, but let them help.
Make sure to explain to your kids that these people are nice normal people who happen to have some bad circumstances. And hopefully, those circum-stances are temporary and things will get better soon. And in the meantime, your are just helping out a little.
Your child will learn that circumstances don't “make” the person, that if they themselves are in a little trouble it doesn't make them a bad person or a loser. They will learn that even if they are in a little trouble, their circumstances will change and they can look forward to that. And they will experience that good feeling you get when you help out someone else!
When your child learns to enjoy these experiences and learns to give more often, they will be doing the very things that will help them to have a long and healthy life!
November 12, 2010 | Posted in: Be Happy, Focus, Love | 21 Comments »

Do You Want To Teach Your Kids Respect?

 

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“A youth is to be regarded with respect. How do you know that his future will not be equal to our present?”
- Confucius
I am sure you know of some families where the kids are always provoking each other. When one kid says something another has to tell them that they are wrong or just put them down.
There are even some families where the kids are insulting at the parents and putting the parents down for things that they say.
Guess how much fun it is to be around these families. I sometimes wonder how the parents put up with it!
Now I cannot say what the parents in these families did or did not do, but I do know that this NEVER happens in my family and I have an idea why.
My wife and I were talking recently about our kids. ( Okay, we always talk about our kids, but that is besides the point!) We noticed that our kids are always respectful to us and to each other. They often play around with each other and even wrestle sometimes. There are even tears occasionally when our 11 year old takes on his 20 year old brother – but our oldest son never intends to hurt the little one, it just happens during the play.
My wife and I were wondering what we “did right”. My theory is that we always showed them respect.
What exactly is respect? Part of it is that we often asked their opinion and then took it into consideration. If we did not take their advice we explained why. When I made mistakes with my kids, I apologized. I let them know that their feelings are important, that I value their feelings and that I was sorry that I had hurt their feelings. And there were times I punished my kids or “forced” them to do things they did not want to do. That is part of parenting. But, again, I made sure they knew that their feelings and opinions were important, but that in this case I had to overrule them.
I guess the simplest way to make a long story short is that I valued my kids and made sure they knew it.
Another VERY important way to model respect for your kids is to respect your spouse. Do you listen to your spouse's opinion? Do you interrupt? Do you help and support your spouse, not only around the house but with their own work?
What is the outcome of all this? I see two outcomes. Firstly, your child will learn to respect others. They will respect their teachers, they will respect other adults, and they will respect their friends. The outcome of this is that all these people will, in turn, respect your child.
But there is a MUCH more important outcome. Your child will have self-respect. A person who has self-respect is positive, pleasant and takes care of themselves. A person with self-respect most likely will not have addiction problems.
Self-respect is so important. Teach your child self-respect by respecting them!
November 4, 2010 | Posted in: Acceptance, Be Happy, Focus, Love, Trust Yourself | 1 Comment »