2011 February | Positive Parent Plus | Practical Parenting Help

Care!

If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded. ~Maya Angelou

I have to begin with an admission. While I write this, I am a little angry. Perhaps I should calm down before I write, but if I go overboard, my editor (my wife) will “clean” it up. If you are reading this newsletter, I guess I was okay!

I teach English at a local college. I work in various departments, one of which has an administrator that I often don't agree with. I have been an administrator in the past and I always tried to make sure that the quality of the educational experience of the students was my guiding principle. I don't feel that this administrator shares that value.

Yesterday a colleague said to me, “They don't care, why should you care?” My response was. “The day I stop caring, please fire me.”

We live in a world where many people have become numb and have ceased to care. I know that many people are overwhelmed, but caring is so important. Perhaps if we can pass this on to our children, even if we are ourselves are numb already, the future of the world will be better than the present.

Often people say, “It is not my business, I don't want to get involved.” The best analogy that I once read for this argument is that if an elephant is standing on the tail of a mouse, the mouse will not appreciate your desire to stay neutral.

If your child sees another child being bullied at school, it may or may not be appropriate to intervene in the moment. It is possible that your child will be hurt. But it is completely appropriate, and you should encourage your child, to talk to the victim afterward. The last thing the victim needs to feel is that not a soul in the world cares about him or her.

The self-centered reason to care about others is so that they will care about you. Having more people that you care about and that care about you has been shown to increase happiness, health and success. It is a way to grow your social network. Having close relationships with family and close friends is important. Having many relationships in a “second circle” of friends is also important for creating a healthy social network that will increase many positive psychological outcomes.

One way to get ahead in the world is to be recognized as outstanding. My mother used to say that in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In an era when most people don't care, it doesn't take a lot of caring to stand out as a special person. That is not to say that we should teach our kids to care only enough to get ahead. But we can point out that a little caring goes a long way, a lot of caring goes even further!

And of course, if our kids are caring, they will care about their parents and siblings as well, which will lead to a peaceful and loving house!

Feel free to use this article on your website or ezine. If you do, include the following bio. If you would like to print and distribute this article, click here.

Shaya Kass, PhD is a parenting coach.

I help parents create relationships with their kids that give a lifetime of smiles. Sincere, deep, loving relationships. Having a parent coach can help you create one of these fabulous relationships. I offer tips and techniques for growing happy, inspired kids and parents at http://www.PositiveParentPlus.com.

Visit now for a free report on The 7 Key Steps to Being A Positive Parent.

Shaya can be reached at DrShaya@PositiveParentPlus.com

Do You Know Your Child’s Strengths? Do You Know How To Increase Them?

Success is achieved by developing our strengths, not by eliminating our weaknesses. – Marilyn vos Savant

Developing our strengths, as Ms. vos Savant tells us, leads to our success. Simply eliminating our weaknesses only leaves us in a state of mediocrity. Improving on our strengths can produce greatness.

When I was studying to become a life coach and parenting coach, we often discussed strengths. I could send you to many different tests that you can take to learn what your strengths are. But my favorite way to get a grasp of my client's strengths is by asking a simple question: “What do you have coming up in the next few weeks that excites you?”

Before reading on, answer that question for yourself. What do you have coming up in the next few weeks that is exciting to you?

We get excited about things when we expect success. And I can tell a client's strengths by the skills they will use at the things that excite them. I can hear in their voice when they have a lot of energy about an upcoming project or visit. They sound more alive and more animated.

For example, as I write this, I am excited about three new classes that I will be teaching in the next few weeks. I look forward to meeting new students, perfecting the curricula that I created and learning the material more deeply.

When I take the strength tests, my number two strength is love of learning, my third is curiosity. (If you are also curious, number one is hope, optimism, and future-mindedness.) Is it any wonder that I am in a business where I help people look to and improve their future and that I am curious about people's strengths and ways to improve?

You can do this with your kids as well! Simply ask them what they have coming up in the next few weeks that is really exciting to them, and then listen to what they say. Don't suggest anything, don't correct them, and don't tell them what they have coming up that excites you. Just listen to what excites them.

You can also ask your child what was exciting at school that day. For example, my son gets excited when he learns something new and interesting. He really enjoys telling me and my wife about it.

And then keep track in your mind or in your journal what is exciting to them. Once you notice a pattern over a few days or weeks, encourage them to do more of that. If they are excited about an art project, make sure they are doing more art projects. If they are excited about basketball at recess, make sure they have a way to play basketball after school.

If your child gets to use their strengths on a regular basis, they will likely feel very fulfilled. This leads to happiness which will spill over to happy and fulfilled relationships with their friends, their siblings and, ultimately, with you!